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The weeks/days/hours/minutes all became a blur. My life consisted of sitting in a reclining chair in my living room or laying in bed both of which included having to utilize a supportive pillow underneath my leg. I could not find comfort anywhere, the pain I was experiencing was that of something you might see in a movie. The sounds of agonizing screams of pain in a horror film, except that is how I felt trapped inside my own body.
Throughout this waiting period, my symptoms were rapidly becoming worse. The internal temperature difference between my left leg and right leg both from my knees down to my toes was beyond my realm of comprehension. My left side was internally a feeling of burning hot but cold exterior touch and my right side was normal. At first, I thought that my mind was playing tricks on me. It didn't hit me until I tried to explain to someone how I felt that I realized they didn't understand what I was saying. I remember thinking, "What is so hard to understand, I am in agonizing pain and half of my lower extremity body temperature is on fire."
In the days ahead of my Vascular appointment, all I kept thinking about was that exchange. I would sit in my living room or bedroom, no TV or music on, just in complete silence going over and over in my head why someone wouldn't understand how I was feeling. Can't they see that my legs are two different colors? Don't they realize I can't walk?
I felt like I could shout from the rooftops the pain I was in and still no one could hear me. Am I going crazy? Why doesn't anyone hear me?
The day was finally here. I tried to remain positive and hopeful. My mind was split in two. Part of me wanted the Doctor to say nothing was wrong and the other part of me wanted to hear that there was something wrong to explain my pain and accompanying symptoms.
After a 3 hour day of testing, I receive the news. "You are cleared, we didn't find anything wrong. We suggest you go back to your referring Doctor to figure out where you go from here."
Are you kidding me? Nothing, you really found nothing wrong? All I wanted to do was cry. I sat back down in the waiting room with my husband and called my referring Doctor and reiterated what was just told to me and they said okay we will try to get you in." Scheduling calls and says "The next available appointment is in 3 weeks...." I can't catch a break, 3 weeks after I just waited a month???
My husband took the phone and demanded an earlier appointment which didn't get us anywhere. I sat silent in the car on the ride home, I was so angry, so uncomfortable and at a loss. As my husband helped me inside our home and got me settled in bed, he left for work and my tears came pouring out. I vowed to myself to never breakdown in front of him. This situation was hard enough due to our day-to-day lifestyle change, in my mind I said I need to be strong in front of him and for him and our family.
Quinn, our Golden Doodle puppy came up on the bed and laid down next to me and reached for me with her paw as she had done almost daily. She would lay there, so still, watching as I would break down into uncontrollable tears.
With the waiting game resuming, so was the realization that every day was the same day on repeat. I would muster up enough strength to cry in the shower as the rain water would hit my left leg, put makeup on and get back into bed or recliner and work on my computer.
This was my life day in and day out until March 8, 2022. My 3-week waiting period was over. On the way to the appointment, my husband held my hand the whole way and said "You've got this, we will get some answers. Stay positive." As I sat there, I nodded yes, silently. My anxiety was so high that I could not gather any words to respond with, I just squeezed his hand tighter. Michael (my husband) helped me inside, my hand never unlocking from his and we sat and sat and sat for over an hour before I heard, "Kara... Come on back." My heart started racing as we approached the long hallway as we had many times previously and all I kept thinking was "I have yet to leave here with good news, please be good news."
The Doctor opened the door, did not say hello and began "Well... I'm not sure what you think I can do for you anymore. You need to go see your Primary."The Doctor was so abrupt and abrasive that I was dumbfounded. My hope was gone, my mind was a blur, I did not want to hear anything else he had to say and I thought "Did the Doctor really just say that to me? Now what am I supposed to do? WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME?"
Thank you everyone! Tune in next week for more!
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